More Conversations with the cook

Cook: I am planning to buy a data card.

I take a look at his cell, which though is superior nokia model, colour display, polyphonic tone, and some memory in it, unlike my black and white primitive phone.

Me: There is no slot for a data card

Cook: I am planning to buy one.

Me: what the hell. There is no slot for a data card and you will buy one to fix to your phone.

Cook: No, you have a cable no, with which you can connect my phone to your computer.

Me: So you mean data cord.

The dude is from Orissa and pronunciation is a communicable disease. The Bengalis have had their influence.

Cook: Whatever you want to call it. I can store 1 mitti of songs in this.

Me: What do you mean by mitti

Cook: That only no...

Me: Gigabyte

Cook: No

Me: Terabyte

Cook: No

Me: Pascal

Cook: No

Me: picofarad

Cook: NO

Sensing his rising temper, I give him his answer.

Me: Megabyte, MB

Cook: Yes.

Finally I win something, and have the triumphant look of the rana who is riding on his chetak back to his wives after winning in a battle. He catches my look and gives a look, which to me means, “ Remember, I am the one who cooks your food, so better watch out”.

The only example of alankars I remember from school days is one from atishoykti. Aage nadiya badi appar, chetak kaise utre par, rana ne socha is paar, tab tak chetak tha us par. Ok I was lying, I remember a lot many, but have forgotten which alankar is used where. Maa, mohe chand khilona lehon. Mala pherat fir gaya, phira na man ka pher, darka manka dari de, manka manka fer.

My Hindi teacher is a very pound woman today.

Another day. Another act.

Me: So you bought the cord?

Cook: No, I went to a shop and they are selling at 150 bucks, and I want it for 100

Me: what do you know which shop to go.

Cook: I know all shops in Bangalore, big and small, and more than you do.

My height has reduced by 2 inches, and I change the topic.

Me: So, what do you want transferred to your phone.

Cook: photos

Me: Whose photo?

Cook: The photos of gods and goddesses.

Goddesses yes, gods, I doubt, but whatever suits him. 

The old man and the dog

The lack of structure in life is of late being more than made up by domestic problems and management time spent in managing the cook. The other night, the pump used to pull the water conked off and I had to fetch a plumber to solve the problem of a trapped air vent stopping the water from being sucked to the overhead tank. Then after some time the tank started overflowing and I switched off the motor, only to realize that there was no water in the kitchen taps.

The next day the house owner and the plumber come together to try finding the cause of the problem, the plumber whacked his head for 15 minutes, later the plumber went to the terrace and told me the valve was turned off, so no water in the kitchen. I was expecting some major mishap here, but sadly it was a minor reason. Still, I was surprised as I hadn’t gone to the terrace much less turn off the valve. Later, when connecting the dots, I realized, hearing the sound of overflowing water from the water tank, some over enthusiastic, environment conscious monkey came over to my terrace and by mistake turned off the kitchen valve rather than the tank valve.

After solving this triple integration problem, the plumber said, 40 rupees, and then the house owner said, 40 rupees. I also said, yeah 40 rupees, but it wasn’t clear who would shell out, I or the landlord, then the landlord politely asked, please pay and I had to. Earlier the day, the landlord had come to check how well I am handling all the problems which his house was throwing at me. As I was making some coffee, I offered him to stay and have coffee, he replied he has to go to bank and he will have it after coming back from there. My landlord is a 65 year old retired gentleman, as he prefers to describe himself. He likes taking his dog out for walks in the evening the most, I guess.

But when he made me shell out 40 bucks, due to me only, I did not offer him coffee or tea. Though he asked for some water, to which I obliged. On reflection I realize that his call to water was an indirect reference for me to ask for tea/coffee, a mandatory courtesy in our country.   

There is this Marathi play, 3 hours long, I had seen on my comp a few days back, in which there is an old couple, the wife has gone blind and they are raising their grandson, whose parents have separated and as they are chasing their career dreams in US, they do not have time to bring up the kid. A young couple, some family friends, who is organizing a play within the play, come to their house to distribute tickets which the old man happily buys, for both himself and his wife. After some time the old man informs the young couple that he will not be able to come as anyways his wife cannot see. After the young couple leaves, the old man says to them, keep coming to my house, it feels nice. Bar wadto, roughly translated, aate raha karo, accha lagta hai.

The next time, my landlord comes to see how well I am handling life’s troubles; I will surely ask him for some tea or coffee.