Fear
They say the best antidote to fear is to try to confront it.
Pre day 0: Few applications and loads of pre placement talks.
Day 0 : The resume rejections have started to come.
Day 1 : Welcome to the two day slot o. I just have 2 processes.I1 and I2. . I somehow clear the group discussion of I1 .Also both of them had an online psycographic assessment , usually my waterloo. I have a 5 minute interview with I1 . I later learn , i did not make it to the second round PI. It was to be my dream job. Somehow.
I allow the rejection to get inside me, and go with that frame of mind in the I2 gd. Needless to say i screw it. Between these two , one process was before lunch and the other after lunch.
Since my day is over, I come back to my room and try to sleep. i don't get any sleep.
I try to go to bed early as i have nothing better to do. Sleep eludes me. Before this day i had heard you kinda don't get sleep when you are tensed.But never took that thought seriously.
I don't know when i actually went to sleep. But i do remember it wasn't before 2, when the first time i tried to hit the sack was around 10. In between Surya comes to encourage me and talk with me, but i squarely refuse. Something which i usually do not do.
Day 2 : second day of the slot 0. I do have 2 more gd's lined up. I do speak in both and fail in both. Also I3 has opened my kind of profile and i am thrust into the PI. I try to be myself , again in an PI. A cardinal sin. As i come out i realize again the blunders. Screwed.
At about 11 in the morning my day's over. I try to sleep pre and post lunch but with no success.
The results for slot 0 are being announced upstairs, but i give it a miss. I was there the last year when the slot zero results were being declared.
At about 4 in the evening surya calls me. Slot 1 has begun and i need to rush upstairs.From here my memory is blurred. There were about 10 students from our batch and about 30 companies. A few still insist on gd's. The saner directly take interviews. I rush from one to other till 12:30 in the midnight. I have missed my snacks and my dinner.At about 1 i am told i need to take another online psycho, which i complete by about 2 AM. I talk with a few friends who have come to encourage me and pull up my sagging spirits.
I hit the sack by 2 :30 and the same story repeats. Chase sleep and it always eludes you. I need to be ready by 7 AM for the first process tomorrow.
Day 3 :I am upstairs by 7. The same flurry of processes continue. I go without breakfast or lunch . My last process ends by about 3:30 PM. Before going in the PI, my friend tries to woo me not to go inside since they are not offering the profile of my preference. I still fight with him and go inside, As i had done with any process which came my way in the last 24 hrs.
There is this moment in The million dollar Baby , wher Clint Eastwood is shown coming to the church every sunday for the past 20-30 years or something. In the due course the father or the head of the church says ,"Only that kind of person can do that , who doesn't forgive himself".
I couldn't say so much to that friend so i just ducked his question of Why?.
The process ended about that time and a junior took me for lunch meant for corporates. I was cagey, not really sure if i could swallow anything hard after a long time. I gingerly took the juice and then some food and then some more. Meanwhile he made some comment that a HR was saying i was way too candid. This was because when she had asked why did you apply to our company. I replied," Ma'm i have applied to all the companies in this slot.And there is no specific reason as to why i applied to you."
As is usual i had decided N was the company for me, but they did not give me an offer.
I can go on about what all i did in the interviews. But one particular interview stands out which the G HR took in the balcony and which was supremely informal. More than trying to judge me based on my past events or my current ability to bullshit i had a decent conversation with her. The one question which did come out of the blue being which is the most important among why , where, what when and How.
I replied with why and she countered by how. Whatever.Otherwise it was a sweet conversation.
In all seriousness i would like to thank Dennis Leary for his song Asshole.
I still go back to N's interview time and again and try to think where i screwed it up. Only to find a hundred instances every time.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Coorg
Years of travelling by the dakshin express from sec'bad had made me believe that any train can make up at least 5 hours of delay ,anywhere in India.
Not anymore.
The rajdhani i boarded at Nagpur was 1.5 hrs late and did not recover even a minute(Of course i am exaggerating, it did recover 20 mins).I reached banglore at about 7:45 AM,and when i called up my bro to find out where he was, he coolly replied at his home, my call having just woke him up.
Deja Vu.
The weekend trip to Coorg was exalting.We stayed at the cottage of one Mr Kabir, whose primary vocation remains farming at a place called Manchali near Kutta.
For the first time in my life i saw coffee, Supari(donno the english translation),pineapple etc' tress.Mr Kabir was kind enough to light up a bon fire too.
The next day we started by visiting Irpu falls, where we discovered the meaning of the phrase bone chilling cold water. The night stay was at the nisargdham cottage. It is an Island artificially created by diverting Cavery with bamboo shoots all over the place. I understand it also has a deer sanctuary ,elephant ride and boating. We skipped all that to run to the Dubare elephant camp in the morning. I touched an elephant there and had an elephant ride. We bathed in the cavery whose temperature had fortunately risen up considerably since yesterday.
Yes we did go to Nagarhole tiger sanctuary as well, but the tigers and elephants chose not to bless us with their citing.
I bought some coffee as well at Rs 150/ KG. After coming to Banglore i realized the dudes at Nestle sell the same at Rs 1200 /KG. The shopkeeper also crushed the beans in our presence.
We had our lunch at Kushaalnagar and breakkfast at kamats, about 50 kms from Banglore.
A lot has been said, written and told about the banglore traffic.
Banglore -The city of pubs, where i have always been sober.
Years of travelling by the dakshin express from sec'bad had made me believe that any train can make up at least 5 hours of delay ,anywhere in India.
Not anymore.
The rajdhani i boarded at Nagpur was 1.5 hrs late and did not recover even a minute(Of course i am exaggerating, it did recover 20 mins).I reached banglore at about 7:45 AM,and when i called up my bro to find out where he was, he coolly replied at his home, my call having just woke him up.
Deja Vu.
The weekend trip to Coorg was exalting.We stayed at the cottage of one Mr Kabir, whose primary vocation remains farming at a place called Manchali near Kutta.
For the first time in my life i saw coffee, Supari(donno the english translation),pineapple etc' tress.Mr Kabir was kind enough to light up a bon fire too.
The next day we started by visiting Irpu falls, where we discovered the meaning of the phrase bone chilling cold water. The night stay was at the nisargdham cottage. It is an Island artificially created by diverting Cavery with bamboo shoots all over the place. I understand it also has a deer sanctuary ,elephant ride and boating. We skipped all that to run to the Dubare elephant camp in the morning. I touched an elephant there and had an elephant ride. We bathed in the cavery whose temperature had fortunately risen up considerably since yesterday.
Yes we did go to Nagarhole tiger sanctuary as well, but the tigers and elephants chose not to bless us with their citing.
I bought some coffee as well at Rs 150/ KG. After coming to Banglore i realized the dudes at Nestle sell the same at Rs 1200 /KG. The shopkeeper also crushed the beans in our presence.
We had our lunch at Kushaalnagar and breakkfast at kamats, about 50 kms from Banglore.
A lot has been said, written and told about the banglore traffic.
Banglore -The city of pubs, where i have always been sober.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Nagpur Station
Bless Railtel and sify , for providing a cafe at the station. It helped me kill an hour of my time at the station. Someone once said co incidents are not just coincident.They are all planned.
Just met a person from my past standing outside the cafe. It was kind of awkward chatting with him , Because he was barely able to remember me. He is moved on in his life, moving to another NGO, Alert India at Sion. (The last part is just for myself, in case i forget to remember the details in future)
Goa was fun so was the marriage at Bhillai.
If there is anything to goa, it is arambol. I am told by my friends that there are other places along the maharastra coastline where one would find a beach nestled between sea water and freshwater but self has just seen Arambol and arambol truly is heaven.
We were put up at candolim, a 5 min walk from the beach but never went to the beach more than once. We also went to Old Goa to watch the cathedral and the church.
Aquada fort was also conquered. But the most boring part was the shopping binges the coterie forced me to go through. My belief till date was that only women are impulsive shoppers, but that belief lies shattered today, Men can also be as enterprising especially if i am lurking somewhere near them. I love Murphy.
Sify pop out says about 5 mins more to go so here i sign off.
P.S. : The most boring thing to do is read chomsky at 8 in the morning at a waiting room at Nagpur station waiting room.
Bless Railtel and sify , for providing a cafe at the station. It helped me kill an hour of my time at the station. Someone once said co incidents are not just coincident.They are all planned.
Just met a person from my past standing outside the cafe. It was kind of awkward chatting with him , Because he was barely able to remember me. He is moved on in his life, moving to another NGO, Alert India at Sion. (The last part is just for myself, in case i forget to remember the details in future)
Goa was fun so was the marriage at Bhillai.
If there is anything to goa, it is arambol. I am told by my friends that there are other places along the maharastra coastline where one would find a beach nestled between sea water and freshwater but self has just seen Arambol and arambol truly is heaven.
We were put up at candolim, a 5 min walk from the beach but never went to the beach more than once. We also went to Old Goa to watch the cathedral and the church.
Aquada fort was also conquered. But the most boring part was the shopping binges the coterie forced me to go through. My belief till date was that only women are impulsive shoppers, but that belief lies shattered today, Men can also be as enterprising especially if i am lurking somewhere near them. I love Murphy.
Sify pop out says about 5 mins more to go so here i sign off.
P.S. : The most boring thing to do is read chomsky at 8 in the morning at a waiting room at Nagpur station waiting room.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Alibaug 2
As expected.
Today(Yesterday's Tomorrow) was worse.
Failure seemed a lot more easier. Actually it seemed that it was your middle name.
Ok . To the point , Self did not get placed in slot 0, so was pushed to slot One.
What happened in Slot one is another story. Did you ever wonder what does a person feel like when Slot zero does not happen to him. I was there last year, In my seniors slot one,
pushing my seniors from one interview to another , barely managing to tell them , which company's interview process they were being pushed into. And then this senior broke down.
Emotions finally finding a vent in tears, and i felt miserable watching a 25 year cry, in the middle of the placements, more than "a 25 year old", a senior cry.A person you have looked up to for the past one year.
You have always maintained it is ok to cry. Why just cry, but feel every possible emotion a human being feels and live it the way it should be. Do not classify emotions as being feminine or not, just feel them.
Yes sir a lot more easier said than done.
We reached Alibaug by 9 :30 or so . And while the crowd all around us was running all over mandawa to either get into The bus to the remaining Tum Tums we blissfully had our break Fast. A couple of vada pavs and a cutting. Finally when the consensus was nearing somewhere from where we did not want to walk all the way to alibaug, We buzzed the maaldar fellow.
Hello sir, How u doing. His reply , wtf u people still doing here when everybody has left this place.
He pushed us into a Tum Tum and we saved 350 bucks by not having to hire one .
Customer service at its best.We changed the 6 seater at alibaug and finally reached Devdanda, where we had booked our lodge.
In the course of our stay there a lot many things were attempted, Alcohol 3 patti and Beach being mention worthy.
We went to kashid beach in the evening , which actually is a dangerous beach. Because it is steep,
not very, but steep enough to be dangerous. The sunset was beautiful as it always is on a beach.
And sometimes to flow against the waves and sometimes is another experience altogether.
If there is one thing i could change about the beach, it would be the taste of the water. I understand salinity, all rivers flowing into the river. mineral salts et all. and i accept all.
But why , Why god in Christ's name need to make the sea water saline. I hate it.One day when i become god, whoosh, and all the sea water become become sweet just like a sandesh.
One of our believer friend (Not in me) wanted to visit uncle God , Even after 100 requests he did not oblige that god resides in our heart. He was pretty ok that god can reside in his heart, But in mine, naaaah. So we had to visit this Birla temple which was about 2 KMs off our route.
Pretty decent temple one must say. The typical Birla style where one must climb at least a plateau if not a hill to reach it.
The next day we were supposed to go to naigaon beach. That was the plan whenwe went to sleep.The next afternoon we just visited the Devdanda beach for solidarity sake, when we saw a fort on the other side of water.
The next as they say is history. We were in the fort in 3 hours after a sumptous lunch and being robbed(Neat and complete) by a autowallah. An add on was the light house thrown in as a complimentary dish. The fort was OKish.
We finally returned to churchgate and had our dinner at Khyber, a grossly overrated eatery.
Won't go there again.
Till you do not cry how will you know that the tears taste saline.
Off to goa tomorrow.
As expected.
Today(Yesterday's Tomorrow) was worse.
Failure seemed a lot more easier. Actually it seemed that it was your middle name.
Ok . To the point , Self did not get placed in slot 0, so was pushed to slot One.
What happened in Slot one is another story. Did you ever wonder what does a person feel like when Slot zero does not happen to him. I was there last year, In my seniors slot one,
pushing my seniors from one interview to another , barely managing to tell them , which company's interview process they were being pushed into. And then this senior broke down.
Emotions finally finding a vent in tears, and i felt miserable watching a 25 year cry, in the middle of the placements, more than "a 25 year old", a senior cry.A person you have looked up to for the past one year.
You have always maintained it is ok to cry. Why just cry, but feel every possible emotion a human being feels and live it the way it should be. Do not classify emotions as being feminine or not, just feel them.
Yes sir a lot more easier said than done.
We reached Alibaug by 9 :30 or so . And while the crowd all around us was running all over mandawa to either get into The bus to the remaining Tum Tums we blissfully had our break Fast. A couple of vada pavs and a cutting. Finally when the consensus was nearing somewhere from where we did not want to walk all the way to alibaug, We buzzed the maaldar fellow.
Hello sir, How u doing. His reply , wtf u people still doing here when everybody has left this place.
He pushed us into a Tum Tum and we saved 350 bucks by not having to hire one .
Customer service at its best.We changed the 6 seater at alibaug and finally reached Devdanda, where we had booked our lodge.
In the course of our stay there a lot many things were attempted, Alcohol 3 patti and Beach being mention worthy.
We went to kashid beach in the evening , which actually is a dangerous beach. Because it is steep,
not very, but steep enough to be dangerous. The sunset was beautiful as it always is on a beach.
And sometimes to flow against the waves and sometimes is another experience altogether.
If there is one thing i could change about the beach, it would be the taste of the water. I understand salinity, all rivers flowing into the river. mineral salts et all. and i accept all.
But why , Why god in Christ's name need to make the sea water saline. I hate it.One day when i become god, whoosh, and all the sea water become become sweet just like a sandesh.
One of our believer friend (Not in me) wanted to visit uncle God , Even after 100 requests he did not oblige that god resides in our heart. He was pretty ok that god can reside in his heart, But in mine, naaaah. So we had to visit this Birla temple which was about 2 KMs off our route.
Pretty decent temple one must say. The typical Birla style where one must climb at least a plateau if not a hill to reach it.
The next day we were supposed to go to naigaon beach. That was the plan whenwe went to sleep.The next afternoon we just visited the Devdanda beach for solidarity sake, when we saw a fort on the other side of water.
The next as they say is history. We were in the fort in 3 hours after a sumptous lunch and being robbed(Neat and complete) by a autowallah. An add on was the light house thrown in as a complimentary dish. The fort was OKish.
We finally returned to churchgate and had our dinner at Khyber, a grossly overrated eatery.
Won't go there again.
Till you do not cry how will you know that the tears taste saline.
Off to goa tomorrow.
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