Sunday, December 23, 2012

Loose thyself

Ok, so the story goes like this. There was this person who wanted to see Tagore, when Tagore was on his deathbed and wanted some everlasting piece of advice.

So he goes through Tagore's secretary and asks the secretary also about some advice. He scribbles on the gyaan seeker's note pad "Know Thyself". When our man goes to meet Tagore then,  Tagore flipping the pages asks him about the Know Thyself gyaan, Tagore then scribbles, "Loose Yourself"

I have this personality trait, that when I am seeking something, I just go after it without worrying about whether I am in company of a group, with a friend or alone. The objective matters so much to me that I just forget everything else. It's been some time since I called upon that function in my personality, because it does drain me of a lot of energy, when called. But even otherwise, when analysing myself from outside, I see that trait manifesting in some or the other form in my day to day interactions.

I did spend a lot of time during my engineering in my college library reading out of syllabus books, foreign authors, Aristotle, Socrates.Og Mandinho etc. During these days, when I did start studying for my exams I picked up the syllabus, picked up the reference books, few last years question papers and just started studying. It took me a few semesters to come to this approach but I kind of stream lined the whole thing. At that time I did see others around me who studied in groups of two or more. To me at that time it kinda looked odd as to why people do that. The only time somebody came to me was when he/ she had a doubt, and felt I knew things. I rarely did, but I asked a lot of questions so that others could better articulate their doubts, and once they did that, they realised that they already had the answers. I only once approached my senior with a doubt. He gave me just a simple advice. Re read the whole thing as many times as you need to till you figure it out. He was right, and then I did not need to approach any body else. I rarely approached my teachers, I kinda felt they merely read out from some stupid India author's book and did not have a lot of depth on the subjects, except a few.

Fast forward all these years, and I tell N to start a blog, start writing more rigorously, bring a lot of discipline in her writing and all that, and then I get frustrated when nothing moves. Finally the penny dropped a few days back when I realised the differences between her and me. She needed a lot of support, wanted to do things along with me, always wanted me by her side when trying something new, and all I offered were lectures, and why can't you see the bird's eye only, everything else is noise kind of BS, that I naturally seem to come up with.

Sunday, December 09, 2012

Baby you are a rich man

Life seems to be flying by. Days at office, weekends. It is moving so fast, that I don't seems to have time to stop and reflect. A lot of times, when taking a chai break at work, all by myself, or looking down from my 5th floor office I start thinking, where have I come ? How come did I end up here? What have I done?

Btw we bought a refrigerator today. I tried resisting it for as long as I could, but then just bought it. Something to the tune of actions being in disagreement with my approach / take on life.

I don't know why but I have always wanted to be a ascetic. Though shall not carry any baggage physical or mental kind of stuff. But then, I am moving away from it. As crazy as it might sound, someday I might also harbour a thought of buying a house or a car.

The house buying is slowly coming to me. The great Indian housing dream. The mortgage life. The 20 year loan. Buying an asset for the future.

Anchoring my self to an idea. A job, a landmass, a city, a country. It seems to be a drifters homecoming.