Jo beet gayi so baat gayi ……

I did not understand the last four lines, still. 

Jeevan mein ek sitara tha
Maana woh behad pyara tha
Woh doob gaya to doob gaya
Ambar ke aanan ko dekho
Kitne iske tare toote
Kitne iske pyare choote
Par bolo toote taron par
Kab ambar shok manata hai

Jo beet gayi so baat gayi ….

Jeewan mein tha who ek kusum
The us pe nitya nyochawar tum
Wo sookh gaya to sookh gaya
Madhuwan ki chaati ko dekho
Sookhi kitni iski kaliyan
Jo murjhai phir kahan khili
Par bolo sookhe phoolon pe
Kab madhuvan shok manata hai ?

Jo beet gayi so baat gayi

Jeewan mein madhu ka pyala tha
Tumne tan man de daala tha
Woh toot gaya to toot gaya
Madiralay ka aangan dekho
Kitne pyaale hil jaate hain
Gir mitti mein mil jate hain
Jo girte hain kab uthte hain
Par bolo toote pyalon mein kab madiralay pachtata hai ?

Mridu mitti ke hain bane huye
Madhu ghat phoota hi kartein hain
Laghu jeewan leke aaye hain
Pyale toota hi karte hain
Phir bhi madiralay ke andar
Madhu ke ghat madhu ke pyale hain
Jo madakta ke mare hain
Wo madhu loota hi karte hain
Wo kachcha peene wala hai
Jiski mamta ghat pyalon par
Jo sachche madhu se jala hua
Kab rota hai chillata hai?

Jo beet gayi so baat gayi ……

Because, Life Is Beautiful

Girl Interrupted 

Susanna: [narrating] Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? Maybe I was just crazy. Maybe it was the 60's. Or maybe I was just a girl... interrupted. 

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Raoul Duke: And that, I think, was the handle - that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of old and evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn't need that. Our energy would simply prevail. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look west, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark - that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back. 

Lord of War 

Yuri Orlov: There are two types of tragedies in life. One is not getting what you want, the other is getting it. 

Yuri Orlov : Never go to war. Especially with yourself. 

Good Will Hunting 

Sean: It's not your fault. 

Sean: So if I asked you about art, you'd probably give me the skinny... on every art book ever written. Michelangelo? You know a lot about him. Life's work, political aspirations. Him and the pope. Sexual orientation. The whole works, right? I bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling. Seeing that. If I ask you about women, you'll probably give me a syllabus of your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can't tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman... and feel truly happy. You're a tough kid. I ask you about war, you'd probably ah throw Shakespeare at me, right? "Once more into the breach, dear friends." But you've never been near one. You've never held your best friend's head in your lap... and watched him gasp his last breath lookin' to you for help. If I asked you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet, but you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes. Feelin' like God put an angel on Earth just for you, who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be her angel, to have that love for her be there forever. Through anything. Through cancer. And you wouldn't know about sleepin' sittin' up in a hospital room... for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes... that the terms "visiting hours" don't apply to you. You don't know about real loss, 'cause that only occurs when you love something more than you love yourself. I doubt you've ever dared to love anybody that much. I look at you. I don't see an intelligent, confident man. I see a cocky, scared shitless kid. But you're a genius, Will. No one denies that. No one could possibly understand the depths of you. But you presume to know everything about me because you saw a painting of mine. You ripped my fuckin' life apart. You're an orphan, right? Do you think that I'd know the first thing about how hard your life has been - how you feel, who you are - because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? Personally, I don't give a shit about all that, because - You know what? I can't learn anything from you... I can't read in some fuckin' book. Unless you wanna talk about you, who you are. And I'm fascinated. I'm in. But you don't wanna do that, do you sport? You're terrified of what you might say. Your move, chief. 

The Usual Suspects

Verbal: After that my guess is that you will never hear from him again. The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist. And like that... he is gone. 

Life is beautiful

Giosué Orefice: "No Jews or Dogs Allowed." Why do all the shops say, "No Jews Allowed"? 
Guido: Oh, that. "Not Allowed" signs are the latest trend! The other day, I was in a shop with my friend the kangaroo, but their sign said, "No Kangaroos Allowed," and I said to my friend, "Well, what can I do? They don't allow kangaroos." 
Giosué Orefice: Why doesn't our shop have a "Not Allowed" sign? 
Guido: Well, tomorrow, we'll put one up. We won't let in anything we don't like. What don't you like? 
Giosué Orefice: Spiders. 
Guido: Good. I don't like Visigoths. Tomorrow, we'll get sign: "No Spiders or Visigoths Allowed." 

Kir Ket

There is beauty in IPL, because the consumer loves it. And since it is a high money spinning game, the commercialization and rampant commoditization is but to be expected. And I like the cricket.

If DLF maximum was a sham, the citi moment of success is the gutter. A few gems Harsha Bhogle said the other day and a few years back:

On Average he is bowling straight, on the middle stump. (After the bowler had bowled two consecutive wides, one on leg and the other on off) 

The questions you are putting me are indicative of our place in the society. (After the co commentator looks at Nita Ambani and asks HB, if she flies economy or in her own jet)

Many years ago, he appeared in a beach T shirt on the commentary box. Boycott ridiculed him for that and Harsha’s repartee was, there is something called letting your hair down, once in a while, but how would you know. (Boycott is bald)

Bhogle is genius. And the genius failed me. 

And that’s a citi moment of success, the genius said in the IPL commentary for a boundary. 

Harsha Sir, The fall hurt.  The extra sessions after the matches were watched because Harsha Bhogle along with Gavaskar and Boycott would discuss the subtleties, and would crack a few jokes. So Cricket meant, the game the commentary and the after match/day analysis.

Whenever I watch IPL on weekends these days, the commentary is mostly near mute, and during extra innings I prefer 9Xm. The jokes are better there.

I think I am getting old, and out of sync with times.

More Conversations with the cook

Cook: I am planning to buy a data card.

I take a look at his cell, which though is superior nokia model, colour display, polyphonic tone, and some memory in it, unlike my black and white primitive phone.

Me: There is no slot for a data card

Cook: I am planning to buy one.

Me: what the hell. There is no slot for a data card and you will buy one to fix to your phone.

Cook: No, you have a cable no, with which you can connect my phone to your computer.

Me: So you mean data cord.

The dude is from Orissa and pronunciation is a communicable disease. The Bengalis have had their influence.

Cook: Whatever you want to call it. I can store 1 mitti of songs in this.

Me: What do you mean by mitti

Cook: That only no...

Me: Gigabyte

Cook: No

Me: Terabyte

Cook: No

Me: Pascal

Cook: No

Me: picofarad

Cook: NO

Sensing his rising temper, I give him his answer.

Me: Megabyte, MB

Cook: Yes.

Finally I win something, and have the triumphant look of the rana who is riding on his chetak back to his wives after winning in a battle. He catches my look and gives a look, which to me means, “ Remember, I am the one who cooks your food, so better watch out”.

The only example of alankars I remember from school days is one from atishoykti. Aage nadiya badi appar, chetak kaise utre par, rana ne socha is paar, tab tak chetak tha us par. Ok I was lying, I remember a lot many, but have forgotten which alankar is used where. Maa, mohe chand khilona lehon. Mala pherat fir gaya, phira na man ka pher, darka manka dari de, manka manka fer.

My Hindi teacher is a very pound woman today.

Another day. Another act.

Me: So you bought the cord?

Cook: No, I went to a shop and they are selling at 150 bucks, and I want it for 100

Me: what do you know which shop to go.

Cook: I know all shops in Bangalore, big and small, and more than you do.

My height has reduced by 2 inches, and I change the topic.

Me: So, what do you want transferred to your phone.

Cook: photos

Me: Whose photo?

Cook: The photos of gods and goddesses.

Goddesses yes, gods, I doubt, but whatever suits him. 

Yeah, The reflections

I started this merely as a reaction to peer pressure, everybody in the b school was taking to Blogging, but I did create a new username Demarcated , but blogger forced me to link it to gmail account. I do not carry any false expectations on my writings. It is mediocre and would remain there. I might be a trifle better with off the cuff, one liners and editing prose, but creative content and copy is not my cuppa.

On the individual front, I have been told many things, My boss in the engineering major ,when I submitted him a resignation letter, told me , You gotta go, you gotta go. My principal in the engineering college told me,You know what is your problem, Pride. My bosses have had a difficult time managing me, I will just yield this much. You don’t look like a sales guy, Is this what you want to do with your life, You know what, you are from a top B school , you can do whatever you want to do, never let the world pull you down, and my fav, Your problem is that you have a superiority complex.

Friends have been more forthcoming. You are a MCP, very candid MCP, You are rude, indifferent, cold. My teacher in engineering college, so when will you start taking your life seriously.  A girl, batch mate in engineering on the same lines, why do you make a joke out of everything. Very few, You are a great guy.

Finally in the solitary spiritual discussion I have had, You may never find your calling in life, make each moment your calling in life.

For some time , this blog was a vent to my frustrations, my issues with job, bosses etc. In MBA, an attempt to capture the days I will also cherish. For the last few days, a hinge on which I can attempt to structure my day. And also attempt to capture how I am changing over a period of time, just like the dude in catcher in the rye, each time he goes to the museum, the museum is the same, but he is not.

 

100 posts (few unpublished) : A reflection

CA has stayed in US since 2003. He went to do his MS and subsequently a PhD. He dropped the PhD plans midway took a job and stayed there. He has switched just one job since then and now could be somewhere in Texas. We have known each other since we came together in 6 B. After a shuffling we were forced to on graduating from the fifth standard to the sixth. We were promised a shuffling once in 3 years, but in my 10 years at school it happened just once. New principal, new rules once he assumes office, status quo after a few months.

I got merely 2 annual days in those 10 years, once when I was in the second standard, where I was forced to dance on stage with a lady who was in first standard (Incidentally I met her on orkut, she still remembers me, though for what reasons I am not sure, she is also in US) and the other I guess somewhere in my 9^th standard. Being a prefect, I had to do the monitoring of primary school kids and operate the curtains for the stage, sitting on a machan next to the stage. The rope killed me every time I had to pull or let it loose. It was a proper 1000 seater auditorium and we controlled the curtains.  

So I chatted with CA somewhere in Dec 08 and he landed here in March, to spend one whole month with his family after 3 years of work in US. He is interested in NGO stuff, and works for AID, India. So he had this plans of either going to Dharwad in Karnataka or some village in Orissa where the NGO is running some development project. I haven’t been to either places, but stated my preference for Orissa, as I have never stepped in that state. He planned to come to Bangalore and we decided to take it from there.

( After getting back to US, he asked me to participate in some Brinjal event at Lalbag, to discourage some artificial production of brinjal, being organized by Aid, India. I hope Vandana Shiva wasn’t around. I have heard her once, she yells more, speaks less. )

CA came, went to Madras for his VISA stamping and fell ill. Dysentery and consequential weakness in knees. Now, what is to be expected when one inhales an Indian air after 3 years, and eats homemade food after the same duration? So, after Madras, rather than Bangalore, Hyderabad happened for him. I cursed him no end and implored him to show some zest for life. He remains the cool headed, lazy ass that he was. He refused movement. No Orissa, No Dharwad and No Bangalore. He said, I am ill you see. I saw.

So I had to myself make plans to return to Hyderabad after a year to meet that ass after 6 years. The last time I had met him was when I saw him off at the Mumbai airport in2003. In a rare moment of uncharacteristic exuberance I had gifted him a 200 bucks tantra T shirt.

Initially I booked a bus ticket on Makemytrip as they were offering a 20% cash back, but when I realized even Tatkal is available, I used Tatkal, railgadi. There was no 20 % cash back on cancelled bus tickets though.

I was there for a couple of days. We went to our Alma matter and met teachers. The new principal wanted us to put our names on a piece of paper and tell him what we were doing so that he could put that on the alumni website, we said, yes yes , why not and them gave him a slip. CA felt a tinge of remorse and remarked, he was using us no, I said, so what, he is a good salesman. We also went to tank bund, two of the three places where we had lived, my dad’s office, and saw Into the wild on DVD. When I saw the tallest building we knew in those days, it suddenly occurred to me that somebody had knocked it into half. I continued to hold that view in my mind, till I realized that my sense of building heights has drastically changed since those days. In those days a three story building was huge. Now it is a pygmy.

We spoke about thousand things, Chomsky and how he had missed a Chomsky talk in his university, Bill Maher and his movie, Religulous, How I thought Russell Peter was a great comedian and he said he liked Bill Maher better, ( BTW somebody the other day asked me, if Russell Peter is a spiritual speaker, I paused, and said yeah, in a way)  my family, his family, a couple of girls he had gone to see to get married etc. He said, they don’t have a choice, if I say yes, they will marry me, if I say no, they won’t.  Not fair.

We had irani chai in an Irani restaurant and nobody asked us to leave even when we were just sitting there and taking and not consuming anything, in Bangalore the waiter burns you alive if you attempt this.

The evening I was leaving, I took a nap in the afternoon and when I woke up I did not find CA around, I asked his mom, where is he, and she said, he has gone to see some relatives. I called him and wanted to blast him, but let it go. I then visited a family friend in Ramanthapur and departed for kachiguda station, only to take the train in nick of time.

It is ironic that the friends with whom we spend our childhood or college days, we only meet a few times, later in life. 

The old man and the dog

The lack of structure in life is of late being more than made up by domestic problems and management time spent in managing the cook. The other night, the pump used to pull the water conked off and I had to fetch a plumber to solve the problem of a trapped air vent stopping the water from being sucked to the overhead tank. Then after some time the tank started overflowing and I switched off the motor, only to realize that there was no water in the kitchen taps.

The next day the house owner and the plumber come together to try finding the cause of the problem, the plumber whacked his head for 15 minutes, later the plumber went to the terrace and told me the valve was turned off, so no water in the kitchen. I was expecting some major mishap here, but sadly it was a minor reason. Still, I was surprised as I hadn’t gone to the terrace much less turn off the valve. Later, when connecting the dots, I realized, hearing the sound of overflowing water from the water tank, some over enthusiastic, environment conscious monkey came over to my terrace and by mistake turned off the kitchen valve rather than the tank valve.

After solving this triple integration problem, the plumber said, 40 rupees, and then the house owner said, 40 rupees. I also said, yeah 40 rupees, but it wasn’t clear who would shell out, I or the landlord, then the landlord politely asked, please pay and I had to. Earlier the day, the landlord had come to check how well I am handling all the problems which his house was throwing at me. As I was making some coffee, I offered him to stay and have coffee, he replied he has to go to bank and he will have it after coming back from there. My landlord is a 65 year old retired gentleman, as he prefers to describe himself. He likes taking his dog out for walks in the evening the most, I guess.

But when he made me shell out 40 bucks, due to me only, I did not offer him coffee or tea. Though he asked for some water, to which I obliged. On reflection I realize that his call to water was an indirect reference for me to ask for tea/coffee, a mandatory courtesy in our country.   

There is this Marathi play, 3 hours long, I had seen on my comp a few days back, in which there is an old couple, the wife has gone blind and they are raising their grandson, whose parents have separated and as they are chasing their career dreams in US, they do not have time to bring up the kid. A young couple, some family friends, who is organizing a play within the play, come to their house to distribute tickets which the old man happily buys, for both himself and his wife. After some time the old man informs the young couple that he will not be able to come as anyways his wife cannot see. After the young couple leaves, the old man says to them, keep coming to my house, it feels nice. Bar wadto, roughly translated, aate raha karo, accha lagta hai.

The next time, my landlord comes to see how well I am handling life’s troubles; I will surely ask him for some tea or coffee. 

Dylan, I am ready to take over

How many roads must a man walk down

Before you call him a man?

How many movies will I watch,

Before I watch the first CD ,first

And the second CD, second.

I saw DEV D the other day, after the movie, I kind of felt that it was pretty short and I did not understand many things, I did not take this thought seriously during the course of the movie as I was expecting not to understand the movie anyway. And then I pressed the eject button, and…, it was CD 2, then I found the CD 1 and saw the first part.

It actually sharpens one’s analytical reasoning skill this way though. 

Chennai A critique

You will perspire. No end.

Otherwise, I kinda liked the roads and the buses. But there was one problem, like any south Indian cities, a few seats are reserved for woman, but which ones, I kept struggling to find out.First I got into a bus and sat on the left side, somebody asked me to get up, as the entire left side was reserved for woman. Then in another bus, I sat on the right side in front, in company of an elderly gentleman and the conductor asked me to get up and sit somewhere at the back of the bus. It was quiet irritating, the non standardization of woman empowerment across buses in Chennai. Kandhe se kandha mila kar chalna hai.

One of my major problems was how to I pronounce Thiruvanmiyur, the place where my friend was put up. The people in Bangalore and Chennai, though not Hyderabad, are a trifle rude when one asks them for directions or generally which bus goes where. When I attempt to pronounce thiruvanmiyur, I get struck at thiru , after thiru I start mumbling and the people who are obligated to answer my call for directions have long stopped listening to me and snubbed me. So, I took the next best thing, I asked my friend to send me an SMS of that name. But ,by the time I flash out the cell and struggle to the inbox section, alas I have been snubbed again.

Somehow I reached his place and spent half an hour practicing the pronunciation. Then it occurred to me, my problem was my confidence, I did not believe in my abilities to say it. I then took the bull by its horn. Another mistake was that I was stopping after thiru, the trick in pronouncing it is to go in one breathe thiruvan , get a breather and then call out for your friend mayur. Ok Miyur, happy ?

This just goes on to prove that when puts one’s mind, soul and time in achieving the grandest of frivolous  goals, one cannot but give up until the cliff is conquered and yes, patience and a self critical look at how one does things, helps.

I went to anna nagar in a bus from Thiruvan-miyur and sat on the window seat on the left side, soon a lady shooed me away to the left side, and I meekly obliged. Then a lady sat beside me for some time who was heading for a Loyola college. 20 minutes into the journey, I asked her, so how long before I reach Anna Nagar, my friend had said that I would take barely half an hour. She smiled and said, 10 minutes. Then I tried to show the map of where I was to reach, and without looking at the map, she smiled again and said, no idea where the place is. After 20 minutes, Loyala College came and she happily told me another 10 minutes from here. And I said, yeah, sure, 10 minutes. I just wanted to ask her, was she even new to Chennai, but then I thought she might get offended so I just stopped there. It took me a cool one hour and my friend got the blasting due to him, later on.

Finally, is Chennai as bad as everybody whose mother tongue is not tamil, makes out? No, not for me. I miss the easy going demeanor of people from Hyderabad, but a beach more than makes up for all the shortcomings. Any day, one can pick up a book towards the twilight and sit on the beach and just read a book. Just remembered Anita Desai and games at twilight the other day, was feeling like the protagonist who sits for a couple of hours, in hide-n-seek. I don’t recall why that came to my mind though.

One of the most beautiful road was the one, the bus took from Paris to Thiruvan-miyur , Sea on the left side for more than 5 KMs. Oh yeah, there is also a Paris in Chennai, but the good thing about Chennai, is that the number boards in buses are inscribed in English also, unlike Bangalore.

I soon realized that Paris was actually Parrys. On the Volvo I took to come back to Bangalore, they played 2 telgu comedies. I guess it is a common practice for buses travelling between TN and Karnataka, that they will play movies in a neutral pitch, sorry language. Are they still fighting over Kaveri, I don’t know. Yeah, the movies were decent enough.

 

 

Sinquerim beach ,Goa

2^nd week of Jan, 2007.

I have picked up a job with a chance of 14.28 % that it will be a good enough for me. RM had done bookings a while earlier as he was placed in laterals, a month earlier than the others. He has booked rooms near Candolim beach, with one eric vaz.

Today we went to Sinquerim. Since I am a swimming pool swimmer, I am on life guard. The coincidence of me putting a life guard and I managing to get into waters has just occurred. I am floating on water, my eyes closed. The sunlight keeps hitting me while my eyes keep going in and out because of the waves.

I am the crest on a wave.

I am the realization of a dream.

I am the air over a field in my village

I am the fire in my belly

I am the mind, which wanders on its own

I am the heart, which is above love

I am the twig, in search for a tree

I am the bird, out of its flock

I am the book which is read backwards

I am the one who is not born to be understood

I am love which will never stay

I am the nettle in the rose

There is a song on these lines, which actually has got nothing to do with the above, but the style is same. The pity is I can’t exactly recall my two year old thoughts, they were far too many, what do I call it, Citi moment of success…errr..Let’s call it Citi moment of thought.

waqt ne kar daala banta dhaar,eib ke hovega re agge yaar, that’s the song playing on radio now.

Conversations with (Cook) God

God: So did you put my number on the internet

Me: No

G: why?

Me: coz you did not tell me which website to put on

G: What is a website?

Me: Go to hell, I don’t know.

G: Why don’t you put my number on the internet, so that I can get more business?

Me: Ok, now for god’s sake, cook some food for me.

G: Do it by today, ok.

Me: why not.

So I had to go to sulekha and put his ad, the copy reads something like this

My cook wanted to put this on the net so here it is. He goes by the handle…R cook, Cooks good food, lives in Bangalore’s outskirts, but is willing to travel on business.

This happened today morning and when I tried calling him to tell him what vegetable should he buy for tomorrow, his phone was switched off, for more than a couple of hours.

He is going to get another earful tomorrow, for putting an ad on net in morning and switching off his phone in evening. 

Ina completely unrelated development, I went to BSNL's office and they said, one month after I had applied to change the address, that it is not feasible as they will need to lay a cable, just for me. I almost freaked out, ran to airtel's office and the dude started educating me about all the tariff plans, I said, drop that just tell, is it feasible for you to give me a broadband connection. , Which area...ohh-ho seems difficult, we will try our best. Went back to BSNL office, expecting that AE might have come by now. The JTO lady who threw me out last week was on a leave. I asked the AE, so what now. He said, there is enough bandwidth in that area, I will send my man tomorrow and mostly you will get a connection. 

It seems, though I might be wrong, that somebody here was expecting me to grease their palms, hence they faked an unfeasible cable reason. The truth is not yet out; it depends on the dude who should come tomorrow to check feasibility, god willing. Again, I have been told before that I am a pessimist and as of today I am short on cash, so the greasing will need to be thrown out of window. 

But, life has humbled me many times before, when I have had to chew my words, reverse my actions and generally own up irresponsibility. 

Time will tell what I will need to do.