I was so much older then

Expression does blow out a lot of heat.

For me mostly life has been my way or the highway, but over some time in the near pasy, I am starting to believe whether I am becoming too accommodating of people trying to control and do things on my behalf. My disagreements come to the fore, but I let them whittle away.

I have believed in a few things like simplicity, need based purchase and Minimalism. I still stand by those values, but people around me do not want any of it. And after so many years of holding out, I am giving in.

At a level, I guess it is the deterioration of an individual, but it is coinciding with an important event in my life. Extrapolating what Hariharan said a few days back in a concert about a new genre which got created ,Urdu  blues. Is this the marriage blues, where you let people smash up the things dear to you, as if your marriage is everybody else's business but your own.  


The paraphernalia, the attempt at grandeur, the attempt at perfection. Everything converging into a lot of smoke in my head.

from here,

Ryan Bingham: If you think about it, your favorite memories, the most important moments in your life... were you alone?
Jim Miller: No, I guess not.
Ryan Bingham: Hey, come to think of it, last night, the night before your wedding, when all this shit is swirling around in your head, weren't you guys sleeping in separate bedrooms?
Jim Miller: Yeah, Julie went back to the apartment, and I was just by myself in the honeymoon suite.
Ryan Bingham: Kind of lonely, huh?
Jim Miller: Yes, it was pretty lonely.
Ryan Bingham: Life's better with company.
Jim Miller: Yeah. 

From here, 

Crimson flames tied through my ears
Rollin’ high and mighty traps
Pounced with fire on flaming roads
Using ideas as my maps
“We’ll meet on edges, soon,” said I
Proud ’neath heated brow
Ah, but I was so much older then
I’m younger than that now

Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth
“Rip down all hate,” I screamed
Lies that life is black and white
Spoke from my skull. I dreamed
Romantic facts of musketeers
Foundationed deep, somehow
Ah, but I was so much older then
I’m younger than that now

Girls’ faces formed the forward path
From phony jealousy
To memorizing politics
Of ancient history
Flung down by corpse evangelists
Unthought of, though, somehow
Ah, but I was so much older then
I’m younger than that now 

A self-ordained professor’s tongue
Too serious to fool
Spouted out that liberty
Is just equality in school
“Equality,” I spoke the word
As if a wedding vow
Ah, but I was so much older then
I’m younger than that now

In a soldier’s stance, I aimed my hand
At the mongrel dogs who teach
Fearing not that I’d become my enemy
In the instant that I preach
My pathway led by confusion boats
Mutiny from stern to bow
Ah, but I was so much older then
I’m younger than that now 

Yes, my guard stood hard when abstract threats
Too noble to neglect
Deceived me into thinking
I had something to protect
Good and bad, I define these terms
Quite clear, no doubt, somehow
Ah, but I was so much older then
I’m younger than that now

Update : His highness Mr Tiwari believes I should have written that "the thought of spending money is scaring the shit out of me". So here it goes. :-) And yes Ghazal blues has been corrected to Urdu blues.Thx sir for correcting me.